#56 Double Knockout
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#54 New Rules of the Firm 2
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
#53 Gay Fridays
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.
Satan: “Why so glum?”
Guy: “Why do you think? I’m in hell!”
Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?”
Guy: “Sure, I love to drink.”
Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.”
Guy: “Gee that sounds great!”
Satan: “You a smoker?”
Guy: “You better believe it”
Satan: “All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer – no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?”
Guy: “Wow,that’s awesome!”
Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.”
Guy: “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”
Satan: “Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.”
Guy: “Cool!”
Satan: “What about drugs?”
Guy: “Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?”
Satan: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.”
Guy: “Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!”
Satan: “You gay?”
Guy: “No…”
Satan: “Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough ..”
#50 Why Men Have Dogs and Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
#48 Mother In Law
A group of young women decided to arrange for a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully get to know and understand each other better seeing relations between them were very sour.
Two buses were hired, one for the mothers-in-law and the other for the daughters-in-law. Unfortunately the bus the mothers-in-law were traveling in was involved in an accident and all the passengers died on the spot.
The daughters-in-law shed a few tears but they were all puzzled by one sister who wailed uncontrollably for what they perceived to be her loss. Her friend asked her, “Forgive me for asking but why are u crying so hard, I didn’t realize you were so close to your mother-in-law?” to which she replied, “No we are not close at all, she missed the bus!”
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