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Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

3) LUNCH BREAK :

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

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One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies..

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’

‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you
up.’

‘For reading a book?’ she replies.

‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her again.

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the game warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL :
Never argue with a woman who reads.

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“I sure wish somebody would invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes!”

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My Gosh!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

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Click to enlarge

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This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration Mohammed Omar warned the United States that if Military actions against Iraq and Afghanistan continue, Taliban authorities intend to cut off America’s supply of Convenience Store Managers and possibly Motel 6 Managers. And, if this action does not yield sufficient results, Cab Drivers will be next, followed by DELL and AOL Customer Service Reps.

Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened to send us no more candidates for President of the United States !

It’s gonna get ugly!